sunday with a little sun

Sunday came and a little sunshine crept into my heart, after a heart-to-heart.
I talked via IM with Val and my mood finally lightened a little. I had spent most of the time ill with grief over Chris E's death. (I had what I thought was the stomach flu after his appt, it wasn't the flu.)
I never knew how much pain it is really to lose someone, even a feline, so close to me. I have cried and cried to the point that my eyes are swollen all the time making it hard to see. I wanted to shut down completely. Feeling as though I let him down. And that I was going crazy. The day he passed I kept seeing him, hearing him, it hurt so much. But in talking to Val- it's part of letting him go, and I am not going crazy.
I made it out to the grocery store today. It helped. I will try to hit the craft store tomorrow. I need threads for my flosskid Monique. She gave me the list over a week ago and with storms, and my van being out of commission (DH has been working loads of overtime so time to get to the car has been just as tough) and Chris E. I just haven't made it- anywhere.
I realized today I will still miss him and be sad sometimes but I can't wrap myself in it, despite how easy that would be.
Just don't be surprised if I act a little coo-coo for a bit.
Thanks for listening.